Hey hey!
Weather in Madras, blah blah blah. Weekend, blabbity blah blah.
Let’s get right on with it, shall we?
The three things for this week’s edition are:
How to find the right direction. Or do we have the courage to stop and ask questions? Or are we going to allow our sunk costs to tell us what to do?
What we believe is the game-changer versus what the actual game-changer is. A Derek Sivers’ story and an anecdote from Coach Dan John.
What is the most important thing? Consistency. Showing up. But why?
How to find the right direction
Deep down
We are all searching for something. Deep down, something does not feel quite right. We know what brings us joy. We understand how different we are at our creative selves. But too often, a quick glimpse is all we can afford because there are a zillion things to do, and there's rarely a moment to pause. And when we do pause, it only succeeds in making us feel terrible about ourselves.
Why? Because we know that this is not quite the way things should be.
Wasn't our job meant to be fun? Where would we make a difference, and enjoy doing it?
Weren't we supposed to be somewhere else at this point of time in our lives?
Weren't we supposed to be fit and healthy? With toned bodies and sculpted abs as social media tells us to yearn for?
Baggage
In rare moments of clarity, of space, of silence, we catch a glimmer. We realise that we've mired ourselves in a lot of baggage. We are not where we thought we'd be.
What do we do? Well, we beat ourselves over it. And continue running in the same direction.
We don't recognise that we've changed. whatever our dreams were 10 years back are not what our dreams are today. Our dreams from 10 years before were never our dreams in the first place. But our parents or our friends' were subconsciously thrust on us and we mistook them for our own.
But here we are, on our treadmills to over there, without questioning if that's where we want to get to.
And it is scary to stop and ask questions. Because we've accumulated a lot of baggage for this journey. Our degrees, education, jobs, careers, books, thoughts, and identity - are all crafted with some end goal in mind.
And if that's not where we should be going, oh fuck. Does that mean we have to start all over again?! Since that's scary, we stop that line of questioning.
When I have this, I will be ...
Instead, we make up a different If-Then statement.
We are unhappy with how things are and identify one aspect of our unhappiness. Let me explain.
Overworked. Most of us are overworked. The amount of work is an endless river and we need to find an extra gear and the work will trickle to a flow that we will be on top of. The harder we work, the more productive we are, and the more there will be to do. A fucked up paradox. But that's how it is.
Stressed. The stress of being overworked. Of not having enough time to sit still and breathe and take stock. It manifests itself as a lack of sleep, poor energy, feeling fatigued and drained or many such things.
Not enough "me time". Not enough introspection. All continuing from the above. Swept away.
What we want is
Clarity. We want to find what we want to be doing, where are we heading, and a clear destination.
Control. We want to feel in control. Of our lives. Of our days. Of our productivity.
Both of these are illusions. A clear direction is what we need, and not an actual destination. We change, and we will continue to change. As long as we are going in the right direction, as we change, our destination will evolve. Instead, we are focused on a specific destination that we forget that the direction is the key.
And we will never be in complete control. We are not in complete control of our thoughts. We are not in complete control of our direction. We are battling the noise around us to find OUR direction.
But most times, we pick a destination that everyone around us is bleating about. In the physical health realm - a toned body, flat abs, and looking like a Greek statue. Why? Because we are not in control.
We are not in control of our cravings. Of the choices we make. Of the decisions, we fatigue under. So, we believe that bringing the body under our heel, regaining control and getting to the destination of a chiselled body will bring back control.
Again, a destination that many of us fail to reach. Not because we are not capable of it. But because our lives are not designed for it, yet.
The direction is sound. But the destination is not. At least, not yet.
Cut to the chase
Once we get to the destination, we will be able to set right everything. Magically.
How? Take a few minutes to ponder.
You are at the destination. What's different? You snap your fingers, you have the body you want. But nothing else about your life is different.
Your day is still a mess. Your self-compassion is non-existent. You are running in the wrong direction.
But you believe that being in this place will allow you what exactly? You are confusing enlightenment, whatever the heck that means, with losing weight.
Journey over destination
The journey is the point. Even with a wrong destination as a toned body (because it is tinged with the end of the rainbow feelings), going along that path will allow us to change. It did for me.
But if we do not re-compute the destination at some point as we get wiser, we will forever be unhappy.
If we start with the wrong destination and do not correct it as we learn along the way, we will end up being in the wrong place AND the same place.
It is important to take stock, to introspect. What is at the end of the rainbow? And is it true that this is available to us only over there? And is it available to us only via one path? Is there another path? Is there a direct path?
Only you know.
We need to stop and ask questions about ourselves. And answer these questions.
We need the courage to let go of baggage, and be ready to begin again if needed.
You cannot expect someone else to do the job for you. Guide - certainly. Teach - possibly. But do - nope, that's all you.
Once you ask the question, you are in the right direction.
Less is More
About 2 years ago, I finally got back to writing regularly. Writing has made a huge difference in my life. It has helped me to think a bit more about half-baked notions and make them cohesive. It has helped me battle overthinking. It has helped me be consistent.
For the first few weeks, it was daily. And then, it became 3 days a week.
I am now leaning towards writing longer, better (researched) articles fewer times than using it as a dumping ground. Or maybe there's room for both.
It makes me uncomfortable, as it means more structure, more editing, and more work. And that's probably why it is the path to take.
Two anecdotes
Read this article by Derek Sivers, where he talks about the crucial moment when he got rich. In case you get lazy and don't read it, here's an excerpt. But this will make a lot more sense if you read it.
Once I had $12,000 I could quit my job and become a full-time musician. I knew I could get a few gigs per month to pay my cost of living. So I was free. I quit my job a month later, and never had a job again.
When I finished telling my friend this story, he asked for more. I said no, that was it. He said, “No, what about when you sold your company?”
I said no, that didn’t make a big difference in my life.
And then, there's this wonderful anecdote from Coach Dan John's freely available book, A Contrarian Approach to the Discus Throw.
Back in 1985, Olympic Medalist and World Champion Bill Koch came to Salt Lake City. A local ski rental store provided a work shop for the public. I was certainly the only “strength” athlete there, but I found Koch’s discussion riveting. Why? Nobody there, save me, could listen to what he was saying. What? Oh, they could hear him, but they couldn’t listen to him.
I was with a student of mine who later skied for the University of Utah. He kept asking the same questions of Koch: “How many hours do you train? What periodization do you use?”
Koch, an Olympic medalist and World Champ, kept answering: “I take my girls three times a week to the bunny hill at the resort…I race them to the top of the lift while they take the chairs, then we ski down as a family. I do this over and over again. It gives me the “biggest bang for the buck.””
What the other skiers wanted to hear was…well, something else.
In both these anecdotes, the outsiders do not get the import of what the protagonist is saying. Because it does not match the climactic moment. Or it does not match the pattern they are looking for. The answer that they think that they've been missing.
The Most Important Thing
Find something fun to do. Have fun doing it. Laugh, frolic, play. It becomes something you look forward to.
Keep showing up. When it rains. When it shines. When you are feeling low. When you are buzzing with energy. Just keep showing up.
Find the right direction. You might make mistakes finding that direction, but that's okay. All your mistakes are ways to strike out the various wrong directions. Ultimately, you will end up facing the right way.
Keep walking in that direction. Keep showing up. Did I already say that? Well, it is that important. It does not matter if you are fast or slow. It matters that you are going in the right direction.
Don't forget the power of compounding. Warren Buffet made 95% of his wealth in the last 15 or so years.
Your results, your habits, your health, your fitness, your confidence - all of it will compound. As long as you keep walking in the right direction.
It is fine if you stop. It is fine if you stumble. In fact, I insist that you stumble multiple times.
What matters is to pick yourself up and keep walking.
Keep showing up.
That's the most important thing.
That’s it for this week. See you, folks, next week!
If you have any thoughts or feedback, I’d love to hear it.
May 15, 2022