Hey hey!
Yesterday, I had the opportunity to speak with a few members of The Quad community about motivation. These are not folks I interact with on a regular basis, as our community has grown truly beyond the confines of our first two centres. Every time I have to verbalise my learnings, by speaking or writing, the push to be more clear is scary and useful. Feynman’s “If you cannot explain to a 7-year old…” is a great litmus test. And it also indicates a requirement for further introspection.
Only by writing more and speaking more will things get clear.
Anyhoo, on to the 3 things I have for you this week. I am pretty happy with how they’ve come out and I am 100% sure you will find one of these pertinent.
Whose permission do you need? What are you waiting for to do that thing you wanna do?
Subtraction is a superpower. It seems to take more courage to stop doing something than to start something new.
How to find your sweet spot. Without being distracted by labels and ideologies, without boxing yourself in one corner. But exploring other sides of yourself to find yourself.
My request to you - please share ONE article with ONE friend and help me grow my readership. Seriously. Don’t skim past this. It matters more than you think.
Whose permission do you need?
What are you waiting for to do that thing you wanna do?
It keeps coming up but you keep finding excuses not to do it. You keep shoving it away. It comes along with a slightly queasy feeling in the belly. And you push it away some more. Coz it is not practical, you say. You have too much work. You have responsibilities.
Sure.
But if it is not going away, there is something to it. It connects with you at a deeper level that you are not willing to dig, understand or acknowledge.
It could be something simple. For example, I've been wanting to eat my dinner before 7 pm i.e. at least 3 hours before bed. But I've not done it in so many years. I was chatting with an alternative medicine practitioner and they suggested this as part of our conversation. Well, apparently, I needed their permission to finally get around to doing this.
How silly is that?!
So, your turn. What is that thing you keep shoving away? And whose permission do you need?
Only yours. But if, like me, you want a random person to give you permission - well, here you go ;)
Subtraction is a superpower
It seems to take more courage to stop doing something than to start something new.
The easier decision is to add more things to the pile. Because you do not want to subtract. What if that thing you subtract is actually the next Facebook?
Reducing big rocks does NOT mean you are going to sit around twiddling thumbs, although there's nothing inherently wrong with that. It simply means you will dedicate more time to spend on the remaining big rocks.
Subtraction is a superpower.
Expect anything worthwhile to take a long time.
– Debbie Millman
The best mirror is an old friend.
– George Herbert
How to find your sweet spot
Have you not felt abysmal or unproductive in certain times and places? Every time you forget who you are, where you are, what drives you, when and where you thrive, sub-par things seem to happen.
The obvious example is introversion versus extroversion. The morning after a party, introverts are better off chilling by themselves, reading a book and doing their thing. But that does not mean you put yourself and live permanently in the introvert box i.e. you avoid parties and external contact and social settings.
There is a difference between understanding yourself and utilising that information and behaving around it, versus using that framing to define and stifle yourself.
Time
Let's take a different example - being present- versus future-focused. Quoting Derek Sivers,
Some people are mostly focused on the present moment. They live for today and do what feels good right now.
Some people are mostly focused on the future. They use today as a stepping stone and do what’s best for their future selves.
The idea is not about identifying what your skew is. But using that to switch to the appropriate focus for the appropriate situation.
Too much present-focus could mean you are leaving out something in the long term. For a variety of goals, you need delayed gratification to be a factor. Long-term visions take time to plan and execute.
Too much future-focus could mean you are missing out on being in the moment. You are failing to appreciate what's going on around you.
It is imperative to find the balance between the two mindsets. Finding the right mindset for the current situation, even more so.
Ideology
Too often, we box ourselves based on our beliefs and ideologies. I used to use my introversion as an excuse to avoid meeting people. But that's not the point at all. The point was to understand my introversion and my energy and to tailor my week based on that. I do not want to be a hermit and for all of my friends to forget me. At the same time, I know I will be a wreck if I meet them too often, or in social situations that are not my cuppa tea. Knowing this has helped me connect and interact with my friends a lot more often than I used to while leaving me with a lot more energy.
Awareness
If I could turn back time and teach myself three concepts as a teenager, they would be
Introversion.
Lifting weights.
Self-awareness.
Not only does awareness seem to be key, but it also seems to be the lever around which anything can happen. Knowing what you are, what is required at the present moment, and pivoting is a superpower.
Balance
If you don't know who you are, can you do what you are here to do? Spoken like a true over-thinker but that's another label I realise I do not have to be tied to. Whenever I realise I am diving into my over-thinker syndrome, I catch myself and I attempt to switch into a different line of enquiry.
Previously, I would be unaware and continue digging the overthinking hole. And leave myself paralysed after exploring so many choices. And feel drained and end up with " do something already!" As I write this out, maybe that's why I was never good at chess.
What labels have you given yourself? Instead of defining yourself by those labels, can you instead use them as a tool? Use them when they are required. Use the complementary tool - introvert vs extrovert; present-focus vs future-focus; over-thinker vs go-with-the-flow - and explore both options.
Balance does not mean 50/50. Balance simply means to move away from your box, to move away from 100/0 to find your sweet spot.
Thanks for reading and sharing some of your Sunday with me. You have a great week, and I’ll see you here in a few! And have you shared one post yet?!?!
March 6, 2022