The three things for this week are
on controlling the controllable
on red-alert systems for ourselves
on the autotelic experience
I was told last week that the audio version is heavier and much longer. Absolutely. I realise that it allows me to digress and ramble but also opine better, whereas the written word allows me to prune it some more. Same but different!
on controlling the controllable
We are living in interesting times. When is this pandemic going to end? When can I go back to my old routine? When will business/social life/whatever return? It can get frustrating. Because we are helpless to change the larger story here.
What we can do instead is focus on what we can actually control. This is not advice that's relevant only now, but at any point of time. Right now, the pandemic is an easy example to illustrate with - because we do not control it. There are so many things that need to go right to ensure things get better. Just listing a few.
People behaving sensibly by wearing masks and following rules
figuring out a vaccine and distributing it
pivoting our business so that we don't lose our livelihoods.
finding an alternative to the inhumane factory farming of birds and animals.
combating climate change.
Well, that's just overwhelming and we can drill down into each and list out 100s of things, most of which are not under our control. But instead of letting that overwhelm us, let's start with the 1 or 2 things under our control. And go from there. If worrying and whining solved problems, we totally should do that. Since they do not, let's move on.
on red-alert systems
A simple way to keep ourselves under check, from straying too far away from our long-term goals, from our path is to set smart systems for ourselves. While weight loss is the simplest example, this applies to a lot of facets of life.
Let's take the car. Whenever things go a bit wrong, something in the dash lights up. "Check Battery" it says, and we know that checking the battery is probably a good idea. The fuel indicator goes on, and if we don't want to run out of gas in the middle of our commute, we know what to do.
Setting similar systems and checks can help us in this thing called life. How do you know if you are working too much? How do you know if your relationship with the spouse is going well or not? How do you know if YOU are doing well? It can be as trivial, or as deep as you'd like.
Here are a few examples from my life.
Am I getting enough sleep, and feeling well-rested? If not, something's wrong. I don't know what but something is. Cannot ignore it, and it is not just about sleeping more, but figuring out what threw this out of whack.
Am I motivated to train? If not, something is off. Because I love training, and either this means I am stressed, or over-worked or well, something. Need to figure it out, rather than telling myself to suck it up and lift weights.
Am I eating sugar daily? I am a sugar fiend, and while I love my ice-cream and chocolate, if I am eating sugar daily, it means something is off. Even if it is wee bits of sugar. The past 2 months, I've been having a couple of squares of chocolate or almond/peanut candy (chikki) near-daily. That's not normal, and I should think about why I am doing that.
Having these flags/alerts helps us nudge ourselves back. A nudge is a lot easier than a more complex manoeuvre. Which is what happens when we lose ourselves in our work or whatever, and our activity habit goes out the window, our nutrition goes out the window, and 3 months later, we realise we are 10 cms over where we were. And how do we find the motivation and the time to go to the gym now?! And eat better?!?
on the autotelic experience
A few weeks back one of my students, Deepa, remarked on my approach to washing dishes. I look at it as a chore, and I don't enjoy it. So, I use that time to listen to a podcast. She remarked on how I might be better served in making that an experience I don't try to distract myself from, and instead learn to enjoy it.
That's a powerful notion, and one that has served me rather well in the past. Running started off as a means to an end, but along the way, I fell in love with it. Mihaly Czikszentmihalyi talks about this in his seminal book, Flow, as the autotelic experience. If we enjoyed everything we did for its own joy, and not for an outcome, and did not look for when it would end, things start to look rather different.
Over the past 6 months, I've been applying this concept to a bunch of things I do. While I do not succeed on most days as there's a time constraint somewhere, I am on an upward trend, and that's good enough for me. Also, having that time constraint or not being an autotelic experience is a flag that I've set for a few things I do.
The simplest way for me to do this is when I don't put an end-time for this. Writing a post, or writing this newsletter. Or doing pranayama. My practice days at the gym, which are just me playing around and working on a specific move with no specific sets and reps. And by staying in the moment. I definitely have good days and not-so-good days. I also think I am on to a pattern about when good days happen, and when these not-so-good days happen. It will probably take me the rest of the year to fully process it, but it is a start.
I am still not enjoying washing dishes. I still do see it as a chore. But like the old saying goes, One man's meat is another man's poison. Meaning what works for me does not have to work for you, and vice versa. But figure out what works for you, and start there. And hey, maybe sometime in the future, I might enjoy washing those dishes!
If you want to read more about this, you can read it over here.
P.S: I'd highly appreciate it if you can share one post of mine that you enjoyed with ONE or TWO, or at most THREE, people who you think will enjoy it.