Hey!
I started today’s post by working on polishing/editing a draft I have about endurance training. But as I was writing it, I kept being buffeted by questions I’ve faced, questions I’ve seen my students ask, and realising asking the wrong questions is the cause of going down a rabbit hole. And I ended up asking a few questions of me and you. While I am not sure if these are the right questions, maybe they will lead one to whatever those questions are.
Alright, let’s get on to the 3 things for today, one of which is simply those questions.
failing a diet is you in your comfort zone. However terrible that diet is, however nonsensical, however extreme, however new - it is still your comfort zone. Angered by it? Why? Read my perspective. Then, form an opinion.
3 quotes, as always. Featuring one from George Leonard.
why do you? A few questions to make some form of progress towards asking of ourselves the right questions.
diet and the comfort zone
I lost X kilos on a diet
You went on a diet in January. And you ended up losing 6 kilos. Woohoo! And then over the past 6 months, you've put on those 6 kilos. You've been gearing up to go on a diet again.
Looks like you went on a diet last January as well. Oh, you lost 8 kilos then. Brilliant. And how much did you put on over the year? All of it. And then some. And you tried a diet later in the year as well but it was just mentally exhausting.
I understand. I've been there. And more relevant, I've seen a lot of my students go through this and I think I understand a pattern. And we are all just pattern machines.
diets are the way to lose weight, right?
The news articles you read report how some random person lost a gazillion kilos doing some new diet. Or how they lifted weights and everything just flipped. And blah blah blah. While these stories are great, what do we actually learn from them? Besides the fact that you have to put in work to get results?
And can you really argue with the fact that the more sensible and grounded the work is, the better it is for you?
Diets are a common part of our thinking. When in doubt, there's a diet to do what you want. And there are 27 people around you with their specialist advice on how to go about it, what you should do, what diet you should not follow, and what special tweak you need to do to a diet.
As much as you might hate to go on a diet, you've reconciled with the fact that they are necessary.
Except that's not a fact.
you are used to it
The larger pattern is you know exactly what happens in a diet. Sure, the diet might change. But here's the pattern.
You are unhappy with your body - your weight, your waist, how a dress fits, or whatever.
You decide to go on a diet because this one time long, long ago in a land far, far away, you did a diet and you got into pretty darn good shape.
You happily ignore the fact that it was unsustainable, you hated a lot of it, and you ended up putting the weight back on over a few months.
You've done this multiple times.
Here's the kicker. This process of going on a diet, losing some weight, feeling sorta good, and then realising it is not unsustainable, and putting it back on is familiar territory. You've been there. You know exactly how it plays out.
It is your comfort zone.
As much as you might bitch and whine about how it sucks to be on a diet, you are on familiar ground when you do it. And you are on familiar ground after. And after the after as well. You've covered this ground multiple times.
To fool yourself, you might keep changing the actual specifics of the diet. But c'mon, who are you fooling?
habits and intuition
The long-term and sustainable way out is having better eating habits, a healthier relationship with food and a sustainable way of living. But what the heck does all that even mean?
Which is the problem. Because while I can tell you to eat more vegetables, drink more water, and generally increase your activity, you need to figure out the specifics of it for you. Maybe you need to do menu planning. Maybe you need to snack better. Or maybe you need to strength train. Or learn to cook. Or a bunch of things that are uniquely applicable to you.
You need to figure out the solution in your context. In your life.
And that is hard. That is not your comfort zone. That requires you to introspect, analyse, go through a process of trial and error. And you might not see any results - results you know you will see if you clamp your nose and go on a diet and not over-think. And so you refuse to get out of your comfort zone.
do the same thing. expect the same results.
There's no magical diet that's going to fix things for you. Unless the issue was one of, say, inflammation or allergy. Or unless you rectify a bad habit along the way, and the diet was just the conduit - the channel where the learning stuck for you.
That is you getting out of your comfort zone. Because you realised something, and you applied it, and you changed your habits for the longer term.
You cannot keep doing the same thing and expect a different outcome. A different diet does not qualify. I am talking about this pattern of unsustainable behaviour that you go through - lose weight, feel happy, hate the strictness, put on weight, moan about it. Repeat.
Get out of your comfort zone. Have a longer-term outlook. Rather than try to lose weight over the next 2 months via a magical diet, give yourself 6 months. Try to apply one thing at a time.
Or if you are gonna persist and do a diet, that's fine. But see which tool in that diet is something that clicks, and continue it after the diet.
As you already know, getting out of your comfort zone is magic. So, let's do it!
3 quotes
For a master, the rewards gained along the way are fine, but they are not the main reason for the journey. Ultimately, the master and the master's path are one. And if the traveler is fortunate - that is, if the path is complex and profound enough - the destination is two miles farther away for every mile he or she travels.
– George Leonard, from Mastery
Have I told you that I love this book?
Isn't this such a wonderful way to look at a journey? To look at oneself as fortunate when the destination keeps moving further away. Because you are growing, because you are learning and because you now have more complex problems to solve. Embrace it!
Campbell: The way to find out about your happiness is to keep your mind on those moments when you feel most happy, when you really are happy - not excited, not just thrilled, but deeply happy. This requires a little bit of self-analysis. What is it that makes you happy? Stay with it, no matter what people tell you. This is what I call "following your bliss."
Moyers: But how does mythology tell you about what makes you happy?
Campbell: It won't tell you what makes you happy, but it will tell you what happens when you begin to follow your happiness, what the obstacles are that you're going to run into.
– Joseph Campbell, from The Power of Myth
There are some days where I feel drained. And there are some days where I feel energised. And as I log these down and analyse them, I see that they have very little to do with how many hours I worked but more to do what kind of work I had to do that day.
So, even if I feel tired after a long, hard day, it does feel great. And some days, I feel lousy, even if I have done very little. I don't think the point is to avoid hard work, coz what else is there, but to do what you are here to do. But first, to figure out what that is. And when you are on that path, the various difficulties you will face. That's where these myths come in - those metaphors for conquering monsters and slaying dragons and rescuing princesses.
Rationalization is Resistance's right-hand man. Its job is to keep us from feeling the shame we would feel if we truly faced what cowards we are for not doing our work.
– Steven Pressfield, from The War of Art
Slap in the face. That's what this book is. And there are many days when I need it, and 5 minutes with this book is enough to make me have a slightly more productive day than I would've without that slap.
Don't feel like lifting weights today? Oh, it’s okay. You lifted so well yesterday. You deserve this break. Feel like eating cake? Of course, you should. You deserve it.
There are days to chill and rest. Most days, you shut up and do the work. Your feelings have no role to play. And if you let your mind rationalise, you've lost.
Why do you …..
Why do you weigh yourself after a night of having pizza and beer?
Why do you feel disappointed if your weight is higher than yesterday?
Why does that make the memory of the fun you had last night worse?
Why do you choose to keep dieting when you know it doesn't work or make you feel good?
Why do you not take the time to understand what you need to do?
Why do you persist in trying to make something out of you so other people will like you more?
Why do you think you being fit/thin/skinny/strong/whatever will make you look better in someone else's eyes?
Why do you want to be friends with that person?
Why aren't you being your best friend?
Why aren't you more accepting of what you are?
And if you don't, how will it matter if others are or aren't?
I am not trying to be profound or whatever. I am simply amazed at how we sabotage ourselves by being unsure of what we want, what to do, and maybe just asking ourselves more questions will help us.
Thank you for reading. If you have any thoughts or feedback, do write back.
