Hey hey!
I finally visited my dad’s village earlier in the week, after 2+ years. It feels great to go visit a place where I spent quite a few summers during my early years. Same same but oh so different. Quite confusing as the mesh between the old and the new is much starker there. Everyone obviously has a smartphone. My dad has a leased line and so I have WiFi over there at high speeds. But when I am running class, my backdrop is the sugarcane fields that are a familiar sight from my youth, and chicken scurrying around for worms.
Overall, a great time.
Now, on to the three things for this week (no audio today, apologies.)
The Goldilocks zone. Not too much. Not too little. But just right. What can we learn from this kinda WTF fable?
On fixing other people’s problems.
On advise and listening to the specifics versus figuring it out.
Don’t listen to the specifics
Advice
Advice. Everyone gives them. Everyone gets them.
If the world could be powered by advice, we would never be short of energy. Or food.
How do you solve this problem?
You are faced with a difficult problem. How do you deal with this? We often turn to advise at this time because we want someone else's experience and thought process to guide us.
Should I go to graduate school? What should I study over there?
Should I do this diet or that diet?
Should I quit my job and start my own company, or join a startup instead?
Should I scale my company? Should I go for external funding? Or should I stick with slow, organic growth?
The simplest way is to ask someone who's solved this problem. Obviously.
But
All of us view the world through our lens. Sometimes you know it. Most times you do not.
Every interaction, every problem, every success, every mishap has shaped you over many years. Your lens is a product of that. Your programming is a product of that. You are uniquely you.
When someone else gives us advice, it comes from their lens. That's good because you lack that lens. And that's not so good because you have to apply it for yourself, which means you need to do some filtering.
Someone who's solved the problem you are facing has solved it for themselves, with their lens, with their vision of success and growth and what-not.
A poor advisor will tell you what they think you want to hear. They will tell you what they wish they did if they were in your shoes.
A good advisor will attempt to see things your way and guide you from there. But there are so many unsaid parts of you that only you know. And even more unsaid parts of you that you might have not discovered for yourself. It shows up here and there, in gut decisions, in "I don't feel like doing this" and so on.
A great advisor doesn't offer advice, I think. Instead, they make you do the work. Because that is the only way.
Get multiple perspectives
Speak to people you respect and would like to emulate. But not literally emulate but there's something in them that you see as something you'd like to be.
Speak to more than one person. While it is counterproductive to speak to too many people, at least a handful is a good start.
Speak to people with different skews and lenses. If you speak to people with a similar bent, you will get only the same vein of advice.
See how you feel when you hear their advice. Do you feel queasy? Do you feel discomfort? Does it ring true deep inside? Pay careful attention to all of it.
Reinvent the wheel
You shouldn't be doing this.
There are plenty of questions and scenarios which have a clear solution. There, you just listen and apply. You learn from other people's experiences and that's the shortcut.
But the other scenarios where it is about you - well, that's where you have to do the hard work.
Know thyself.
Don't take the advice literally. With all these conversations, you sit with it.
And you take the time to figure out what you want to do.
And contextualise all of this advice.
In many cases, your problem is uniquely yours. Because the solution has to work for you, and cannot be generalised. Dropping out of college is generally a bad idea, except when it is not. Quitting a high-paying job in Silicon Valley to move back to India to do something you have minimal experience in is a recipe for disaster, except when it is not.
Don't listen to the specifics. Instead, dig deep and figure out what you are.
Friday Thought
Most problems seem to be caused by people trying to fix other people's problems.
Most of this "problem solving" is simply a matter of selfishness, of wanting to get your way. You want people to behave in a way you'd like. Since they are not, you'd like to help them with their problem so they will behave better.
From wars to coups to country partitions and what-not.
To smaller scale issues between people. Between you and your whoever - friend/spouse/parent/child.
Maybe we should shut up and stop trying to fix people's problems.
And on that note, we keep trying to fix our own problems all the time. Do we truly have a problem? Or are we just being an ass to ourselves and assuming we have a problem where there is none? And even if we do, being an ass is not going to help with resolving it.
If you’d like to read the quotes, head on over here.
The Goldilocks Zone
Too much. Too little.
You often make the mistake of doing too much. And then too little. And then too much again. And then too little again.
You go all in. You do the craziest diet for 8 weeks. And sheesh, you haven't had chaat, your favourite dessert, your second favourite dessert, your least favourite dessert in 8 weeks. Time to schedule all of the missed treats in. Coz, you know, you missed out on all of them.
Impossible
This eventually comes to a stop. In one of two ways - you run away from it and never do a diet again. Or you figure out a sustainable approach.
Now, this applies to most things in life. But I will continue sticking to the places where I have the most experience - via making the most mistakes possible - which are fitness and nutrition.
Complication
But what is too much? And what is too little? Should you believe the latest news article about how that woman lost 27 kilos by drinking lime juice while standing on one leg? Or the other article about that guy who lost 38 kilos by standing on the other leg?
Or should you listen to Arnold Schwarzenegger and practice the Gamechanger diet which disses all animal products? (And has absolutely nothing wink wink to do with the fact that he sells vegan products)
Goldilocks
Let's take a left turn and discuss Goldilocks. While there are multiple versions of the story, let me tell you about the one I read 35ish years ago.
Goldilocks was this girl who went on a walkabout. And came across a house. And being a jerk, she went right into the house and proceeded to behave as if it was hers. She sat on a chair and found it too hard/big. So, she sat on another chair and found it too soft. And subsequently sat on the third chair, found it just right, and broke it.
She then raids the kitchen and finds porridge. The first bowl is too hot. The second bowl is too cold. The third is just right, and she laps it all up.
Then, she potters about to the bedroom. First bed, she finds some problem. Second bed, another problem. Third bed - perfect! And proceeds to sleep.
The owners of the house, who happen to be 3 bears (yes, bears) come home. Papa Bear growls in annoyance at his chair having been sat on and his porridge tasted. So does Mama Bear. Baby Bear has the worst of it all as her chair is broken, her porridge all gone. And she finds Goldilocks in her bed and yelps. Goldilocks proceeds to jump out the window and runs away. The End.
What the fudge?!?! What kinda story is this and why am I telling you this?
Well, that story makes very little sense, true. But the concept of "just right" needs a better moniker and so was born the Goldilocks zone. Not too hard, not too soft/easy. Not too much, not too easy. But just right.
Your turn
From that nonsensical story, your takeaway is to find what is just right for you.
It is irrelevant what works for someone else. Remember, everything works, from a twinkie diet to walking daily to stupid stuff to the best training plans. But remember, nothing works too. Including the best diet and training plans.
Because if they are not right for you, it won’t work.
Now, what does "right for you" mean? Not something you find easy and comfortable to do. If it was easy and comfortable, it would involve having chocolate ice cream for breakfast, and unfortunately, I've made the sacrifice for you and tested that theory out. Nope, does not work.
Right for you means something you can twist and tinker and suit to get to your goals. Not someone else's goals but your goals.
So, figure out your goals. Remember to distinguish and separate it from your friend's goals, and whatever else you see on social media.
And then, liberally steal and copy and chop and change from whatever you see to make your own perfect concoction. Keep doing it, keep tinkering with it and make your own special brand of awesome-sauce.
And remember, the recipe will keep changing every few months or years. Most of it will remain the same. But similar to you changing a wee bit each year, your Goldilocks zone of eating and training will need to change along with you.
Do the work. Find your zone.
And that’s it for this week! Thanks for reading.