Hello!
I used to worry about writing my Sunday newsletter late but once I removed a time constraint i.e. when I should wrap it up, things got amazing. Now, my schedule is
to write my post for the day. I already have the notes compiled for it but I don’t write it until Sunday morning.
once that’s done, write this newsletter down
and then record the audio for it.
after this process is done, I train.
Previously, I would try to train by 12 pm, and so I can eat by 1ish. But just removing this random constraint has given me a degree of freedom which has helped a lot.
Alrighty, on to the 3 things for today.
on being proactive vs reactive, and what we can learn from Iron Man.
on finding balance in imbalance.
on knowing and finding what we are capable of.
Let’s get on with it.
I have a plan. Attack!
From The Avengers, this quote seemingly sums up the impetuous nature of Iron Man. Brash, cocky, arrogant etc. Especially stacked up against the measured Captain America.
Captain America: Stark, we need a plan.
Iron Man: I have a plan. Attack!
When I first saw this, my reaction was he’s arrogant but then he can afford to be, coz he’s Iron Man. But maybe I had it wrong. He’s arrogant and confident because he knows he can tackle any situation head-on. Because he’s proactive and does not shy away from a problem.
We can't be like Iron Man, most of us think. We tend to be reactive, and not proactive. Especially if being proactive equates to being brash. But I don't think that's the case at all.
Why do we need to be on the back foot? Why can we not be on the front foot, and be proactive when problems come at us? Mostly because we are unprepared for it. Then, the solution starts to appear - prepare for it.
While we cannot prepare for every contingency or mishap, we can prepare ourselves for the fact that there could be a mishap. Something can go awry. By expecting it, by having a plan for it if and when it does, we can be proactive as well.
And by just listing down things that get in our way, that fluster us, we can start to get proactive. Here are a few
Cab didn't arrive on time and we are running late.
Alarm didn't go off, or we didn't wake up to the alarm.
Laptop crashed suddenly and is not working. And we have an important meeting/presentation.
Tripped and fell, and injured ourselves by a complete accident.
Made dinner, added way too much salt and it tastes horrible. It is dinner time and everyone's hungry and waiting.
Write down things that got you flustered. And just think it through - how could you have handled it better. Well, there's your plan. And we can start applying this proactively from the next time on.
on finding balance in imbalance
Most attempts (at eating better or getting fitter) fail because of a lack of balance. As a beginner, you think only an all-out, no-holds-barred approach works. While brute force has its place, the issue with brute force is it drains you at a rapid pace and if you don't move on to a better approach sooner rather than later, you will run out of gas. And get distracted/irritated/annoyed and give up.
But finding balance, taking it at a sustainable pace, thinking long-term are ridiculously hard concepts to wrap our heads around for a newbie. Because our mindset when we are there is just screwing with us.
We are saddled by our previous unsuccessful attempts.
Our identity is confused as "I am someone who cannot get fit".
We are stumbling in the dark and think there's a secret club that's not letting us in, and so want to just break through this by giving it 110%.
If giving it 100% fails, how will a sustainable approach work?
How can eating the same foods as I normally eat work, rather than trying out a keto/paleo diet?!?!?!
As part of this failed approach, another reason it drives us insane is an attempt to keep each day perfect. Let's say you are meeting your childhood buddy after ages. Should you have a couple of beers with him? Or it is your kid's birthday - should you eat cake?
That’s a no-brainer. You most certainly should. But I realise that things are not so clear as most people when they are starting off lack a framework. They lack confidence. They are not sure how to play the moderation game.
Where’s the line in the sand? Is 1 beer okay but 3 is too much? How do I stop myself from drinking tomorrow, or eating all the left-over cake?
Well, the way to think about this is that we cannot balance everything out precisely all the time. We will need to over-do a few things for a period of time, and then arrest it. For example, if you are launching a new product at work, then work is going to be nuts. Vacations might have to take a backseat, and maybe you don’t hang out with your friends. But after the product launch, you cannot go on to a new fire at work. You will need to turn the volume knob down at work and turn it up in your personal life - take time off and hang out with friends and family.
Similarly, how often to go to the gym can and should vary. 5 days a week for a few months putting a lot of effort and then just 3 days of punching the clock for a few months. Coasting at 80% vis-a-vis the diet, and then cleaning up at 100% for a few weeks a couple of times a year.
You need to find balance in imbalance.
We stay imbalanced in a certain way too much and don’t go the other way. That’s the problem.
on finding/knowing what you are capable of
This is part of my “Training is my sandbox for life” series. I learn a lot from the relatively safe sandbox that is the gym and then try to carry them out into life. Things that might be too scary to jump right into with life as there’s just so much more to lose.
A difficult situation is not fun. It makes us rather uncomfortable and queasy. The severity of the situation compounds this effect. The situation asks a question of us.
Can you handle it?
Life is full of such events and situations. Most of us think we want to avoid them and would think it a successful year if we did not have any difficult situations at all. I mean, wouldn't it be wonderful to not be stressed, to not have to ask a difficult question out of ourself, with real and significant failure staring us in the eye?
No. It wouldn't. Because then, we will never find out what we are capable of.
As a kid, I would actively avoid these uncomfortable situations. I changed the game of school to suit me. Studying too much and trying to get the 1st rank was too much work and scared me (what if I worked hard and I didn't get that rank? and what if I missed out on all the fun things if I did get that rank?) and so I changed the game to suit me. I don't think that was wrong, nor was it right. It was what I knew back then.
It was not until I found the sandbox of fitness that I was able to really push myself out of my comfort zone. Running every week and trying to hit a distance that I had never previously run in my life was pushing me to my limits - mentally and physically. Would I be able to do this? Only one way to find out. While grad school had helped me push my boundaries, it was only my fitness endeavours that really pushed my limits. Until then, I would always back down and stick with my comfort zones.
There's a wonderful scene in Gattaca between the ordinary brother and the genetically-enhanced brother. Obviously, the latter keeps besting the former throughout their lives. Until the final swim.
Conquering each long run made me mentally resilient and capable of facing up to these challenges. Until then, I did not realise I had stayed in a comfort zone, even when I did do some cool things.
The gym, likewise, was a safe place to push my limits. Obstacles were easy. Obstacles happened near-daily for me. Every day was something where I faced an obstacle that I knew I could not complete. From not being able to last a single warm-up session to not being able to complete a workout, these were daily events for me.
So, while there was a physical transformation, I underwent a rather more significant mental transformation. In the sandbox of my gym, which is infinitely less scary than the real world.
But the lessons learned there, the capacity to push myself, the capacity to face up to an obstacle - irrespective of success or failure - was learned at the gym.
We faced similar obstacles over the past few months. For us, as an organisation, it has been a difficult time. Of difficult choices. To reopen, or not to reopen, for example.
Personally, handling all of this was made possible because of pushing myself out of my comfort zone, of handling obstacles. While success is not guaranteed at all, I know I have the resilience to try and beat this obstacle. And even if I fail, I know it is not the end of the world.
You can read the longer form of this here.
Well, that’s it from me for today. Thanks for making it till here. As always, I’d love to hear back from you.
